Sign-seeking. I have to admit that many times I fall into this temptation too, whether or not to ask God for “sign”. And for this BoT drama, I fell. I was so troubled in mind whether or not to accept this job, whether or not this job is what God wants me to do. So, eventhough I know that God doesn’t quarantee answer for giving sign, nor does He works through sign, I did pray and ask Him. Please God, give me sign, should I take this job, or should I not?
I’ve been contemplating whether or not to write this post. For it may be misunderstood by some readers. Most of the time I’m writing mainly to myself; a reminder, a lesson learned, a rebuke, or simply a rant. But I do aware of others who may read my post -and without understanding of real context of my situation- may read it in a way that I do not wish them to read/understand.
Exactly one week later. Another news of death. This time father of the girl who lost her baby last week. Last week the wife left her healthy husband at hometown, to be with her daughter. To comfort the daughter in time of distress. Tomorrow the wife will be home, to find her husband’s dead body. The daughter will be home, to her now dead father.
Sometimes things just go “wrong” at the same time and we can’t make sense of it. Especially when it comes to issue which will tear our heart apart, such as death of beloved ones.
My mind is still trying to make sense of what’s happening last week (last wednesday). When our dearest ones lost their baby. And it’s not just any baby, it’s their first baby! after many2 years of waiting in faith. I cried in bus when reading sms from mom and -to my own surprise- I cried even more when typing encouragement msg to them the next morning. I couldn’t call them. I wouldn’t be able to talk.
Two unrelated events lead to one great lesson.
Event 1 – Lina changing Matt’s diaper. Chenny watching and babbling.
Ch: Why does God allows suffering to children? Bible always said that God is good and whatever He allows to happen is always good to His children. I can understand that perhaps it could be good for the parents, to build their godly characters – in exercising patient, love, humility, faith and trust in God’s love and kindness, etc- when serving the suffering child/children. BUT what/where is the good for the child? especially infant, as baby don’t know (or can’t) exercise such things (godly characters mentioned earlier). Also baby don’t usually remember what happen to him (when he grows up). So what is good for babies to suffer when they’re baby?
Ln: I don’t know. Ask God. remember the story of the man born blind? Jesus said it’s not his sin nor his parents sin, but it happens so that the work God might be displayed in his life.
Ch: hhmmm…
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Event 2 – Sui who just came back from short trip to Indo came to my place today.
Sui: I got Super Junior album for you.
Ch: Oya!? great! thx!
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(more…)
This is a spin off thought from my comment regarding my fear that I may have not fearing God properly..
Was thinking abt angels.. they are much superior beings than us. Much more powerful, not limited by space and time (ie. not confined on this created planet), have direct access to come before the throne of God, and yet they show much more fear and respect to God.
And us human, mere mortals with death rate of 1:1 (meaning ALL mortal WILL die sooner or later) are such a bunch of ignorant created being who not just failing to show proper respect and fear to God the creator, but even worse, even dare to show our puny fist in open rejection/rebellion to Him.
Maybe our foolishness is due to the fact that we don’t see God the way angels do? we don’t know God the way angels do? that’s why we don’t know to what extend God can be a fearsome being?
How to train oneself to properly fearing God?
I was greatly annoyed in the beginning when it happen. You know the inconvenient of being without a properly working handphone these days. Especially when you’re running late to work because of heavy traffics on the road and you suppose to call your supervisor but you couldn’t because the lousy phone refusing to work! also potential misunderstanding with friends who think you’re ignoring them by not replying to their sms which you didn’t know you received because you couldn’t access the message box.
Also hp doesn’t work means alarm doesn’t work. And for a sleeping beauty like me who usually depending on alarm to be awaken each day, no alarm means potential trouble on Mon-Fri (+ Sunday) morning :p
Anyway.. there is always 2 sides of looking at things: positive and negative. Done with the negative, now move on to the positive, shall we?
My mind is still lingering on yesterday’s sermon on Romans 5:1-11. Btw, you can download them free of charge at Pelita website.
I’m still hearing voice in my head. Nooo, not Ko Charles’ voice :p ;) It’s a voice from the past.. someone once told me that I (chenny) am weak, that’s why I need God in my life. According to him, Christians are a bunch of weak people, always depend on God for anything and everything in life, terlalu pasrah pada nasib gitu. And don’t even have the gut to blame God shall bad things happen, always camouflage the hurt by saying that it’s for good.
One of my current readings is The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. It was written more than half century ago (1941!) but ever still so relevant to life at this present time! You just have to read it yourself and be amazed by the penmanship of this great Christian writer. This post (and perhaps more are coming) is a snippet from the book which I find quite interesting.
I’ve been very slack in many things. Very and Many :( My evil twin (perhaps influenced by Screwtape :p) always trying to convince me that it’s not me, but the work of lousy low level of iron in my body, so just take it easy. Yeh, whatever it is, it is NOT GOOD! I know very well that it is not good to be idle. Wasting precious time and opportunities the good Lord has given me here.